You know you're a conservative if...

• You can call yourself pro-life but have no problem denying health care to actual people that are actually living.
• You are pro-life but support the death penalty.
• You believe that "all men were created equal" - as long as they aren't gay.
• You think that only women are pro-choice.
• You think that those women also only support choice for selfish reasons.
• You have ever compared Obama to Hitler.
• You listen to Beck or Limbaugh and think they actually make sense.
• You love the second amendment, but the first and fourth are negotiable.
• You tell kids to say no to drugs, unless that drug is tobacco.
• You think that everyone on public assistance is lazy and doesn't work.
• You think that people should pull themselves up by their bootstraps - even when they don't have boots.
• You think that America has nothing to apologize for - never mind the extermination of Native Americans, slavery, or World War II interment camps.
• You think that cutting education spending is better for our children.
• You think Clarence Thomas was more qualified for the Supreme Court than Sonia Sotomayor.
• You think that you shouldn't have to step down after being caught with your Argentinian mistress, even though you believed the President Clinton should. Thanks Mark!
• You think that the "liberal media" is out to get your family, even when you are parading them around like show ponies.
• You honestly think that things were better under Reagan and Bush.
• You believe in "Don't ask - Don't tell".
• You believe that Sarah Palin has actually done something good for women in politics.
• You honestly believe that liberals are tree hugging, homo-lovin', baby killers.
• You try to convince people that God was a capitalist and Jesus was a Republican.
• You love using free speech to promote Christianity, but not any other religion.
• You ignore the clause about separation of church and state.
• You complain about violence on television but have no problem plastering pictures of aborted fetuses all over.
• You think that liberals automatically hate soldiers because we do not approve of the war they have been tasked to fight.
• You actually believe that there is no sexism and no racism in this country.
• You want to ban sex education, even when your daughter is an unwed teenage mother that received "abstinence only" education.
• You think that everyone should stand of their own two feet - unless they have a rich, well connected daddy.
• You think everyone should stand on their own two feet - unless that involves workers unionizing.
• You are the governor of a state that has the worst heath care system in the country and the most uninsured people and you are threatening to secede from the union if Obama's health care plan gets passed because health care is a states rights issue and you can fix it better than the federal government even though you have been the governor for 9 YEARS ALREADY! (Thanks Texas!)
• You didn't make it this far because you can't stand someone pointing out your faults.